If you have ever analyzed the poem Dreams by Langston Hughes, you may have pondered about all the hopes and dreams you had for yourself as a child. If you have not had the pleasure of reading this poetry masterpiece, PLEASE click on the link to read it! Now that we have that all taken care of, let’s talk dreams.
Though I have definitely had my share of aspirations for my life (as a child), most of them were related to writing or to the beauty industry-all of them in a creative capacity. As a very young child, I thought I could be the next Nadia Comăneci, the very first gymnast to score a perfect 10 at the Olympic Games. Several sprained ankles and a growth spurt later, it became obvious to me that I indeed would not be a top gymnast, or even a gymnast at all. So naturally my next aspiration was to become an actress. Of course! So, being the supportive mom that she was at the time, I was immediately enrolled in not one but two drama classes. I stuck with it for several years. Then there were another few growth spurts. As a child actress, I was too tall to play children’s roles, and too young to play adult roles. So as I transitioned out of that dream, I smoothly transitioned into writing. I wrote my first play when I was in the fifth grade. Cool, right? I realized that I had a natural talent for writing. And I realized that most actors are short. AND I was tall.
Throughout junior high and high school, I narrowed my career aspiration down to becoming an ad writer. I was going to major in advertising at the University of Kansas. After all, I attended a college prep high school, so I was EXPECTED to go to college and get a good job. While in high school though, I was almost obsessed with my hair! I made sure that it was done to perfection nearly every day-that was really hard to do with a press and curl in the 80’s. Knowing that my school discouraged vocations, attending cosmetology school was not an option. But imagine if I had been allowed to pursue my dream back then. I could have started my career right out high school. But I digress. Anyway, I took every opportunity to curl hair-anybody’s hair. Fast forward to senior year, my good friend Susan and I had a revelation that it would be a great idea to cut off all our long hair in the back in order to achieve the rat tail style. What idiots we were! Okay I will only claim that I was the idiot. I won’t call Susan an idiot. I will just say that she idiotic tendencies at the time!
At any rate, that was truly the beginning of my love affair with the cosmetology industry. I attended college, but not my beloved K.U. The out of state fees proved to be way too much for my minimal scholarship money and financial aid package. Even with the pressure my family placed on me to become college educated, I managed to drop out of school several times. Five years after my first college semester, I found myself graduating from cosmetology school. Yep. I did it. And in another year, I got my cosmetology license. I did not care about a corporate job, benefits, retirement. None of it. All I wanted was to create on my canvas of choice-hair. I lived, ate (literally), and breathed (also literally) hair. I forfeited so much in my quest to be successful. Family. Sleep. Family. Savings. Family. The whole world. Most regrettably, family. But that’s a subject for another blog.
My dream for the past 20 plus years has been to be a success in the beauty industry. I did experience marginal success-especially my first 13 years or so. I can truly say that those were the happiest years I have ever had. I always wanted to go to work. I always wanted to learn more. I was a perfectionist at my craft, and I valued giving great customer service to my clients. Being a self-employed stylist definitely had its challenges, and I was up for all of them. I knew at a young age that my happiness was more important to me than financial gain. Though I definitely made my share of coins, the business is a fickle one, and depending on the weather, the economy, what events are in town, etc., business could be extremely lucrative or an unforeseen dry spell could emerge when only your die hard regulars make and keep their appointments. It took a lot of discipline to manage money in this business, but I just would not have it any other way. That was until I decided to go ahead and finish my degree.
As the world turned, the economy was starting to flop, and as my daughter grew older, I wanted to provide stability for my family. Upon the advise of my then best friend as well as a cousin, I went into teaching. I thought it would be a simple thing that I could jump right back out of once the money at the salon became stable again. And besides, I did love to write. My degree was in Public Relations, so I went ahead and applied to teach journalism and English. It was fun, and it really came quite easy to me. I was good at planning lessons and teaching students the ins and outs of research writing, essays, and even news articles. I revived a journalism program that was all but dead at the school-first with a student newspaper, and then a year book.
As life would have it, I was running my own salon and teaching simultaneously. I had the best of both worlds it seemed. But of course, I wanted more. I had outgrown my hometown and the torture of staying in that town was more than I was willing to bear. So I closed my salon and headed for Texas. Dallas to be exact. I managed a salon there for awhile and later rekindled my passion from behind the chair again. Almost immediately I gained a substantial client base. But again the economic environment began to affect my quality of life as a result of less frequent appointments being made and kept by my clientele. So I got back into teaching. Only this time, it seemed to become a life sentence. The novelty had certainly worn off, but the stability of the income and the time off were perks I could not deny.
Years later, as I go to work, I feel a piece of me die each day. I would wish this feeling on no one. In fact, if I had a chance for a do-over, I never would have even finished college. I never would have taken a teaching job-or any non beauty related job. My happiness is worth more than a check and some benefits (oh and the teacher healthcare benefits REALLY suck). With each birthday that passes, I realize that my prime as a hair stylist has now passed. To keep some semblance of fulfillment, I maintain a small client base and I am in the process of starting a cosmetology education business. But none of that changes my constant thoughts of “what if” and my reflection on what could have been. What really should have been. Looking back on it now, I realize that my problem was not college or teaching or the city I was in. My problem was a lack of faith. I was just short of a mustard seed.
My advice to anyone who is currently holding on to dreams and aspirations: HOLD FAST TO YOUR DREAMS! Life if too short and too treacherous to spend it doing what is expected of you rather than what your passion is. Passion does not pay bills. But coupled with faith in the Lord, your passion can become the best thing to ever happen to you. Do not give up!
The M. Yvonne Blog 